There are certainly things I hate about traveling. Many of these things were apparent during my Danube Adventure.
Everyone has heard of the Ugly American. They’re the ones who wear white sneakers, fanny packs, and talk loudly. The type of tourist I’m highlighting today could feasibly fit into that stereotype. But this type of tourist can’t always be identified by their footwear.
It is the Rube. This is the tourist who has never left their metropolitan area (or the lawn next to the gas station in their podunk town). They’ve saved up the cash to go see the big wide world, but might as well have stayed in their flyover state. At least, this is how I think of these people when I see them. Certainly they are not as dumb as I think they are. But you wouldn’t know it by witnessing their actions.
Now, before I embark on my Travel Things That Must Go, I should state that at one point, I was a Rube. I think every traveler goes through a Rube phase. I’m pretty sure by the time I finished Study Abroad at age 21, I was past mine.
Here are the things these people love:
* People pretending to be statues: These people are in every major city in the world. I even saw them in Bratislava, Slovakia (which is a clear sign that town is headed for Touristland). What is the draw to these people? They’re standing there, and they expect you to pay them to watch them stand there. Tourists should note that whenever there is a crowd around these people, you bet your ass there’s a pickpocket or two. Another reason to avoid them.
* Spray-Paint Street Artists: When I was seventeen, I went to San Francisco with my friends Tiffanie and Chrysi and some kids from our AP Biology class. We were mesmerized by these street artists. I’ll admit, the paintings look cool. And at this point, I wasn’t well-traveled (I’d had one trip to Europe and a couple of trips to California under my belt). But that was no excuse. These artists are everywhere. As cool as the paintings can be, they are not worth the $40 they charge you. And again, Pickpocket City. Anywhere where there’s a crowd of tourists staring at something, there are pickpockets.
* Hard Rock Café: How amazing is this company’s marketing team that they’ve managed to convince you to not only eat at their bland American restaurant in foreign countries, but to buy their T-shirts, stuffed bears, and hats? They’ve duped us into thinking that eating at a chain restaurant is a cultural experience! When you eat at a Hard Rock Café, you are depriving a local Hungarian/Italian/French restaurant of customers who could be getting a REAL cultural experience. I’m just sayin’.
* Tshirts that have nothing to do with where you are: Bex and I saw a Tshirt in a tourist shop that said “Game Over” and had a cartoon of a bride and groom on it. Later that afternoon, we walked by that shop again and saw that someone had bought the shirt. Really? That person is planning on taking that tacky shirt back to Buttmunch, Kansas and telling everybody how awesome Slovakia is?
* Horse-drawn carriages: Oh, how quaint. You’re riding around town like they used to in old-time Salzburg. Well, you know what? You’re riding around town like they used to in old-time Des Moines too. Time was everyone rode around town on horses. So why did you just plop down 50 Euros when you could have eaten three meals with that?
* Bags with city names on them: I am totally an offender of this. In my defense (as weak as it may be), I think this might be a newer phenomenon. I don’t ever remember seeing these in London or Paris or anywhere in Germany. But I bought one in Madrid, thinking how awesome they were. Sade bought one too. Then on Day #3 of our trip, we went to Salamanca, and saw them there too. Uh… oops! And then we saw them in Barcelona. And Granada. And then I looked them up online and they’re everywhere. At least they’re functional, unlike the Eiffel Tower figurine I used to have on my dresser. That didn’t do anything!
A corollary to this one is any sort of shirt written in English. In Vienna, it’s Wien. It Bratislava, it’s Staré Mesto. In Munich, it’s München. Wouldn’t it be a lot cooler to have something written in the natural tongue? Unfortunately, these are very difficult to find. The tourist shops are definitely catering towards the English-speaking crowd.
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